You're Gonna Miss This

I am sitting in the oh-so-comfortable sala de jeuegos (playroom) in my girlfriends house and have no access to my computer, so I am starting this post on my cell phone.  I just needed to start because I didn't want to forget what this moment was like and why it struck such a chord with me. It's not that I will forget the moment because it was unimportant, but more likely, I will forget because I am the Mom of two toddlers and I forget everything.  Everything.  Usually just seconds after it was oh-so-important.

I am sitting here, listening to MadHatter and my friends youngest daughter play while I am babysitting.  Babysitting.  You have to use that word loosely when the kids you are sitting range in age from 7- 10, and the one you brought with you is the youngest in the house, and would be the one that would really need a sitter.  There is no baby, this is all sitting.  Hence the reason I am trying out their new leather couch, updating my blog, while listening to the two youngest in the house talk about who is going to be playing with which animal from My Littlest Pet Shop.  (Don't worry Missy - I checked on them every couple of minutes to make sure that chaos didn't reign supreme).  The thing that got me thinking though was the fact that I could never do this at my house.  If I sit down, I have two shadows at my feet within seconds.  They pepper me with a constant barrage of chatter- "What are you doing Mom?", "Can we help?", "Mom, you need to wipe my tushie", "MoooooooM, come here. NOW."  There wouldn't be time to even get the editing software on Blogger pulled up and type one word before I would be interrupted.  And now here I am, 309 words in, and no one has even noticed that I am missing.  And I am not sure how that makes me feel.

You see, I have been a stay at home Mom ever since I have been a Mom.  To tell the truth, I was a stay at home wife for about a year before I even became a Mom.  Interesting year to say the least.  Maybe someday I can post about it, but for now, let's just say that I have been with my kids since the day they were brought home from the hospital.  Even before they came home.  Once my children were held in my arms, they stayed within my reach for the duration.  And when I mean within reach, I truly mean it.  MadHatter spent every single night of her life until she was 2 years, 9 months and 7 days old waking up to me in the bedroom down the hall (and Stinkerbell is not to be forgotten - hers was a mere 1 year, 3 months and 20 days with no break from Mama - but that is still a good number).  That is 1011 days that MadHatter woke up knowing I was there and then spent almost every waking second within earshot.  And I can count the number of times she went to sleep at night without me putting her in bed on less than two hands.  Not by choice really, but by necessity.  You see, our closest family lived about 1500 miles away and that doesn't make for good babysitters.  Co-op babysitting never worked for us, since the people we would want to go out with, are the people that would have to be home watching our kids.  And forget about paying babysitters.  The going rate in California was such that we could afford to pay the sitter, or we could afford to go out.  Not both.  So where is this going, you ask?

Here I am sitting on this supple leather couch, having gotten 608 words pecked out on my tiny phone keyboard (thanks google), and looked up the number of days my kids were alive before I left them overnight (you didn't think I knew that off the top of my head now, did you?), and I even had time to really think (I mean, really think) about what I was feeling and, in that time I have not been interrupted once.  Not one single scream has left the lips of these children, not one fight, not a question or request or demand.  It is almost like there are no children in the house, unless you count the laughter that is coming from MadHatter and her bestest buddy.  And I can't help but try to calculate the number of days that it will be before this type of behavior is the norm in my house and not something that I think is so extraordinary that I have to write a post about it.   I love my job.  Being Mom is the best thing I have ever done, but I can't help but long for a future when my job is not so intense.  When I will feel like it is more about being a mother and less about being a prison warden, or referee.  But that feeling of longing for a different, easier life lasts about 5 minutes and then is replaced with the knowledge I have had all along, the knowledge that I wouldn't trade these years for anything in the world.  Not even for the ability to go pee by myself.  I know these are difficult years and I know the effort is endless, but I also know that in the end you reap what you sow.  And I am in this to sow the best seeds I can.  I also know this is such a fleeting time.  Everyone who has ever raised kids will tell you how quickly they grow up and how much you wish you could have the "baby" back for just a short while.  Country Music has dedicated a lot of songs to this subject but I think the best is by Trace Adkins - You're Gonna Miss This.  The chorus sums up everything I am trying to say, but much better.  Much, much better.  Probably why he makes millions and I write a blog.  The chorus goes- You're gonna miss this/You're gonna want this back/You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast/These are some good times/So take a good look around/You many not know it now/But you're gonna miss this.

So, there I was sitting on the couch, relaxing for the first time in I don't know how long, and it hit me-  I am in the middle of the best time of my life - and I always will be.  There is never going to be a better tomorrow, or an easier next year as it may be.  It will always be the here and now and the only thing I can hope for is that I am living it to the best of my ability and enjoying it to the depths.  I need to appreciate the moments as they are happening and not wish them away so that I can get to a simpler time.  It cheats us all - me, the girls, B.  And I don't want to do that.  Because I realized as I was sitting there, even though I got to spend almost every single waking minute with my kids, I still hve a hard time remembering what MadHatter was like as an infant, then a one year old, and finally a toddler.  (I could chalk that up to sleep deprivation, as we did have 2 in 17 months).  I am looking at her now (we are now home) and I see no trace of a baby.  Gone are the huge (and you will see, HUGE) brown eyes, the pixie haircut and the cheeks that were just waiting to be bitten.  The impish voice and the chubby rolls have all given way to the little girl she is becoming.  And I have to stop and really concentrate to remember what it was like to hold her in my arms and talk to her so quietly at night in her rocker.  She wouldn't stand for that now, even if I could get both of us into that rocker.  Even my Stinkerbell, who still has her rolls and her impish voice, is starting to grow up and demand that I treat her as the toddler she is and no longer as my baby.  If I try to cuddle her too long, I get a stern look and an "I not a baby" before she wiggles out of my grasp and runs off to torment her big sister. It all goes so fast and I want to scream at them to slow down.  Stop growing up before my eyes.  I am not ready for this. But since I can't freeze them at this age forever, the best I can do is continue to take pictures and use them to help me take a walk down memory lane every once in awhile.

Her First bath!

6 Weeks and 3 Months

6 Months

10 Months (after her baptism) and One Year!!!

17 Months (and she was a Big Sister!)

Just turned 2!

2 1/2 - where did my baby go?

She can't be 3!

And she is almost 4 now!!!  

 

And of course, Stinkerbell.  She is still my baby, but my how she has grown!!!

Minutes old!

3 Weeks.

Stinkerbell's first trip to Disneyland!  7 weeks old.

3 1/2 Months!!!

About 5 months here - and MadHatter is almost 2.

  She is 7 months and 10 months in these...Oh, how I miss this age.

She idolizes her sister!!!  Almost one!

18 Months

The Birthday Girl at 2!

[ˈluːnətɪk]

It's a full moon.  I don't even have to look it up to make sure.  But I did and I was thisclose to being spot on since it is actually a waxing gibbous moon tonight.  That just means it is 99% full and by tomorrow night it's cycle will be complete.

"Are you into astronomy?" you ask.

"Not in the least, though I do love a good eclipse or a night sky lit up with stars like fireworks. I even had to look up waxing gibbous to sound smart.  Astronomy is not my strong suit."

"Then how can you track the cycle of the moon without even trying," you reply.

"Oh, my darling, you don't have children, do you?  They are your best indicators of when the moon is racing headlong into full status.  They start to behave like little crazy people."

"But they are toddlers", you say, so innocently, the way only someone without children could ever pull off, "They are always behaving like little crazy people aren't they?"

And here I have to stop the conversation because I am laughing out loud.  It's true. Toddlers are crazy.  Their behavior has no rhyme, and no reason.  And to the uninitiated, it is even more bizarre and more unreasonable.  I have been on both sides of the toddler equation and before I became a parent, I couldn't have made a distinction between everyday toddler behavior and full on crazy toddler behavior.  I also couldn't have told you the difference between an "I'm hungry" cry and an "I'm really tired" cry and the famous "I really just don't like being around anyone right now so please get my overstimulated self out of this room" cry.  Before I was a Mom, I would have just said, the baby is crying.  After, I could have heard a baby at 20 paces and told you what they needed.  I restrained myself, but after having two in 17 months, I could pretty much tell you the meaning of every single whimper or squeal that left the lips of most babies (it really is a science.  So when I say that my kids are acting a little squirrel-y, at least more than usual, just trust me that it's true.

And what do I mean by squirrel-y behavior?  I mean that the amount of talking back increases tenfold (and this is from the 2 1/2 year old, not the almost 4 year old), the whining is non-stop and the fighting - oh, the fighting- between the two of them, is golden gloves worthy.  They slap, punch, kick and just generally invade each others space at all times.  No slight is too small, no infraction goes unnoticed.  They use their over the top screaming first, then their whiny voices and if that doesn't get it done, the fists/feet start flying.  I feel like I have become a Boxing Referee - I break up a fight and send each contender to their own corner, the time out corner.  Normally, my method of operation is to let them figure it out on their own, but during the full moon, figuring it out on their own could involve a trip to the emergency room and my Spanglish does not yet involve medical terms and ways to explain that it was her 2 1/2 year old sister that inflicted this damage.  Oh yes, the Vegas odds makers would have their money on Stinkerbell 20-1 in a street fight with MadHatter.  I tend to step in for a night or three and then, miraculously, things are back to normal.  Normal?  That just means fist are flying 3 times a day, and the whining only lasts for 10 minutes at a time.  And the talking back all but ceases.  And for those of you with older kids, I know what you are going to say...Just wait, that will start to be a part of your everyday life - not just full moon life.  I know it will happen full force at some stage but for right now, I am sass free.  And I will take if for as long as I can!

It is not by chance that a crazy person is called a lunatic.  The root Luna comes from the Latin word Moon.   In 19th-century England, lawyers even used the "guilty by reason of full moon" defense to claim that their lunatic clients could not be held accountable for actions taken under the full moon.   I wonder if I could still use that defense today???

One small step for man...

In a baby's first year, just about everything they do is an event.  So many things are "the first" - the first time the baby rolls over, the first time they sit up, the first solid foods, even the first time they poop (if you are a parent, you know that I am right about the last one being an event).  It's a year full of milestones and accomplishments and no other year will ever be quite so full of opportunities for parents to brag to anyone that will listen, ad nauseum.  There is a level of excitement that is a bit disproportionate but it just seems so important at the time.  The first time the baby finds her feet and figures out that they can be a handy chew toy becomes a reason for the phone tree to be activated so all relatives can be informed of how cute/smart/flexible the newest progeny is - Guess what baby did???  She can find her feet and chew on them!  Isn't that just the cutest thing you have ever heard???  And let's not forget friends,  friends of friends, acquaintances, and heck, perfect strangers that just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time mere vicinity.  They must see the newest trick that of course, only THIS baby could do.  The baby turns into a circus act, being asked over and over to perform, on command, and to perfection.  And somehow as parents of said progeny, we think that others care about these things. Thank goodness babies are too young to remember how foolish their parents are in this first year.    

In the second year (and the years following), the first's slow down, but they get bigger.  It is no longer an event that the baby can get her toes in her mouth, now it is more of a worry (should she still be doing that?).  It is more about learning to walk, talk, and potty train.  It's about learning to feed themselves with utensils, dress themselves, blow their noses and wipe their own tushies (and you thought you were done once they were potty trained...this is one no one tells you about).  The milestones are just as big and important, but they don't get talked about as much.  Oh, if someone asks you about it, you will answer but you have learned that other people just don't care about your child's every move as much as you do.  No, really, they don't...

But I digress - Stinkerbell is in a Big Girl Bed!  She was the most amazing baby ever.  She took to it like a duck to water!  I have never seen a baby adapt to such a big change so quickly!  She is a natural at sleeping without falling out of bed.  And she even tucked herself in under her blanket with no help from me.  Can you imagine the fine motor skills that requires???  I think I see an Ivy League school in her future - but of course only if that is what she wants... (she says, tongue firmly in cheek)

You mean the whole front has to come off?  And I will have to be trusted to stay in it, not because I can't get out but because I have to make good choices???  Hmmmm, I don't know about that...

Ok, sounds good to me!  Let's do this.

I will just sit right here while you work.  Let me know when it is done.

Can I get in?

Big sister showing her how it is done.

And then trying it out herself.

Great bed, but I'm gonna go sleep on the couch for a bit...

 

Finally, tucked herself in and fell into a sound sleep!  Sweet Dreams Stinkerbell!

Dulce o Truco

We knew that celebrating Halloween in Chile would be different.  We knew it could even be difficult since it is largely a North American holiday.  October 31 does happen to be a holiday here in Chile, just not Halloween.  It is Reformation Day and then November 1 is All Saints Day - so we get a four day weekend each year but that just means that half of the country is on vacation at the beach, while we are trying to beg candy off of them.  Halloween and trick or treating has caught on a bit in the past couple of years, but it just isn't there quite yet.  There is no parade of costumes at MadHatter's school, finding  pumpkins to carve can be difficult, and let's not get started on the candy that they call candy.  Most of it is small hard candies or sugary gummies, though I did manage to find some spider shaped chews.  There is very little chocolate to be found, so forget about getting a Kit Kat or Milk Duds.  There will be no Smarties, no Almond Joys and there will certainly not be anything resembling a Snickers bar.  Unless you have friends that had recently been in the U.S. and brought home bags of each (Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Missy!!!) 

And trick or treating can be challenging. The saying, in and of itself, is backwards - Dulce o Truco is Treat or Trick, not Trick or Treat. You can say Truco o Trato, which is the literal translation of Trick or Treat, but it just isn't as common here in Chile.  Then again, nothing about this holiday is common in Chile so I guess you can pretty much make it up as you go along.  We did.

On Friday we went to Papa's office to trick or treat.  Such fun and a great way to amass a  lot of candy in a short space of time.  The girls had a blast.  I think the office workers did too...

 

Sunday brought us a bona fide Halloween party with all the trimmings - choripan, salchichas, creme caramel...Oh, wait, those things are very Chilean.  OK, that may be very nontraditional but we did have a great candy hunt...That's Easter, you say...I'll give you that but at least it was candy.  Some of it even American (have I said Thank You Missy???).  So it wasn't very traditional, but maybe it can become a tradition while we are here.  The annual asado with candy hunt following.  I like it!

Before...

After

Finally, it was time to trick or treat...and I think we were all worn out from the celebrations of the past couple of days.  But, we put on our costumes again and headed out for our first South American Halloween adventure.  And it is a bit of an adventure.  As you will see from the pictures, it is a bit different here.  You first have to ring the security bell.  Then, the home owner will look at their video screen (or out the window) and see who is there.  If perhaps they like the looks of your costume (or if they aren't at the beach on vacation - it is late spring and the beach is a pretty lovely get away right now), they will come out the door and hand you some candy THROUGH THE GATE.  There is no admiring of costumes.  There is no dipping your hand in the bowl and taking one.  You get what you get and then they head back inside, quickly.  And that is only if they are handing out candy - which is about 20% of the time.  Yes, it is different.  It does take some getting used to.  But I was in no way bad.  My kids still had a great time with their friends.  I had a great time with mine.  And we both have more candy than we can eat before Thanksgiving...Wait, Thanksgiving...they don't do that here.  We all have more candy than we can eat before the Immaculate Conception (our next big holiday here).