Two year old = Communist Dictator. Discuss.

Two year olds are really just dictators-in-training. Perhaps they are part of the Communist leadership.  Maybe a combination of the two - Communist dictators.  It's hard to tell.  Two year olds are very cunning little people and you can never be sure how much of what they do is pure chance and how much is carefully deliberated.  If you don't have kids, you are probably thinking to yourself, "How can she say these things about these cherubic munchkins?  They are just too cute to be called Stalinesque."  You may think I have finally lost it.  Though, if you have ever lived with a two year old, you are curious to read on and see where this is going.  You have already started nodding your head, thinking "Yeah, she could be on to something here".  Let me make my case for those that aren't currently (or were recently) under the tyrannical rule of a wee Hitler.

First, let's make sure we are all on the same page when it comes to defining a communist/dictator.  I define a dictator as an un-elected leader that exercises absolute control over all aspects of life in their country (home).  Also, it is true with Communism, that the individual is secondary to the state (home) and there will be no opposition tolerated.  If you have a different definition, you might as well stop reading because my whole case rests on this definition.  

Let me present my case...

First case in point: Try reasoning with a 2 year old.  If you don't have one handy, stop by any time and Stinkerbell would be happy to oblige. OK, how did that go?  It didn't?  Well, of course it didn't. You can't reason with a two year old.  That would be like trying to reason with Kim Jong-il (before he passed.  Maybe even after).  It just won't work.  There is only black and white in their world and if you see in rainbow colors you might as well exile yourself.  Quickly.  Because the way they will go about your exile will not be pleasant.

Which brings me seamlessly into my second point: Anyone who opposes said point of view will be punished.  Swiftly, harshly and without remorse.  All rulers toddlers go about this in different manners but the result is the same.  My particular dictator likes the screaming, crying and throwing things method of showing her displeasure.  It doesn't get her anything but put in time out and having to clean up her mess, but she still favors it.  If it is only a minor mismatch in viewpoints she changes tactics a bit (It's like she doesn't deem it worthy of a full on tantrum).  She will just keep saying the same thing 400 times. And amazingly can get them all in in under a minute (But I want it.  But I want it.  But I want it...)   It's her way of trying to bend the situation to her will.   It's worse than a broken record; it's more like Chinese water torture, without the water.

Point three:  The household is run by a command economy.  The ruler will decide what is needed, in what quantity and who will provide it, because you can guarantee it won't be them.  Your jobs will not be determined by your strength and weakness, but by necessities of one person = the ruler.  Remember, this is not a democracy, there are no other needs, only those of the big boss.  And if you cherish your sanity you will become a short order cook, a maid, driver, playmate, nurse, scientist (someone has to figure out what that is all over the kitchen floor), a hairdresser and stylist, a singer (you must be entertaining, not good), a dancer (see singer) and dole out kisses on demand. You will know where little bunny foo foo is at all times (George Orwell's 1984 has nothing on us), you will keep a sippy cup full at all time with their favorite juice and you will know, before they do, when it is time to visit the bathroom.  You are a slave, a mother, a father, a best friend and a teacher all at the same time.   You will be asked to switch seamlessly from one role to the other.  You will be given no notice and you will  have no place to lodge a complaint.  And time off?  Are you kidding?  This is a 24/7 job. If you don't like it, please see exiling, self above.

And that brings me to Point 4.  They know it all and their time should not be wasted by telling them that you might know better.  Do not insinuate you know better than they do by asking them to stop and pee before we have a real mess to clean up.  They aren't going to clean it up anyway, so why should they stop having fun?  Do not attempt to tell them that the reason they are acting this way is that they are simply hungry.  A small snack, lunch, anything...will make it all better.  They are not hungry unless they tell you they are hungry.  Don't try to know more than they do.  If they scream in the middle of the night, you best be at their side in record time.  I have been known to be called out of bed because a pillow fell on the floor and she wouldn't retrieve it.  From the screaming coming from her room, you would have thought she had fallen out of the top bunk (which we don't even have).  I did not come to her side in a time deemed appropriate and I was punished for it the whole next morning...No, really.  She kept asking why I wouldn't come get her pillow.  In reality, it took me less than a minute from the time I heard her, until she was asleep again.

Which is another point - they have minds like a steel trap.  It amazes me all the time that we can't remember much that happened in our lives before about 5, but when we are 2 we can remember every wrong that has been done us since birth.  We are lucky we as adults don't live in communist dissent prisons run by the preschool set.  These little guys rule with an unrelenting fist.  And a cute face.

Are you starting to see my point on the communist dictator bit?  You are leaning my way at this point, aren't you?  Let me wrap it up.

They believe that what is mine, is mine.  And what is yours is mine.  I don't need to elaborate for anyone that has children, has ever had children, or has ever breathed the same air as a child.  There is no word as sharing in their vocabulary and even if they don't really want anything to do with your nose hair trimmer, it belongs to them.  And if you don't hand it over right this instant, you will hear, 400 times in less than a sixty seconds - But I want it. But I want it. But I want it....

And then there is the part that keeps them from being ousted by a troop of guerrilla forces dressed in camo at 3 am...They generate a cult of personality.  Not in the usual ways since they don't have a lot of access to the media (print, social or electronic) but they wage the P.R. battle with smiles, cuteness and general silliness that makes others think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread.  They put on one face for the world and behave like their true selves behind the confines of their own castle.

In reality, we wouldn't have it any other way.  It is all a part of having children and not strangling them before they become teenagers (which is when you should strangle them anyway).

I do love my Stinkerbell, but there are days that I think that Pol Pot would have been easier to live with.  Kidding.  I think...

(And before I get a lot of nasty email - please remember who wrote this...Sarcasm is my forte...)

The Playroom

In my last post I wrote about the closet I turned into a creative corner for the girls.  But, as great as that room is, and it is, I am probably more enthralled with the extra bedroom that we turned into a playroom.  I posted before about how I have been waiting since before MadHatter was born to get my family room back.  I was so excited about the prospect of not having to clean up the family room 30 times a day, just in case someone dropped by and couldn't find my family room under the mass of toys that littered the floor.  And if I am being honest, it is also my own neat freak tendencies that must clean it every 20 minutes.  I have a place for every toy/book/game and each must be put back in their place immediately or I start to get a little jittery.  When we saw that our new house had an extra bedroom I knew just what I was going to do with it - a playroom.  

It wasn't a hard choice on which bedroom would be the playroom.  There are 2 identical bedrooms in the house, right next to each other and with matching bathrooms across the hall.  These would be the girls rooms.  That left us 2 more bedrooms upstairs and one would be a guest room.  We did think of turning the room closest to the girls rooms and the bathrooms into the guest room - for about 2 seconds.  If we had done that the playroom would have been on the other end of the house, down the hall and through the family room, from their bedrooms instead of right next door.  It just made more sense to give them their own wing of the house (I use the term wing loosely - it's a hallway that is all theirs).  Plus, the room at the end of the hall is a bit oddly shaped.  It happens to be the largest bedroom upstairs but with the way it is configured, and all the doors, it was impossible to get either of the girls bedroom furniture in here.  

The before pictures...
This room is L shaped (the room goes to the right also and ends in a sliding glass door onto a  balcony)

A view from standing in front of the french doors.  (They left us a lot of cleaning for the maestro)

First, the room was cleaned (and not by me this time!).  The nail holes were covered and I had the maestro remove the closet doors as we wouldn't be needing them.  I also had him paint the room, as he was already painting the rest of the house, and I just didn't have the time feel like it.  I asked MadHatter what color she wanted to paint the room but there was no way I was going to paint the room a deep purple.  We compromised on a bright yellow.  I convinced her that it would feel like the sun was shining on her every time she walked into her playroom.  Secretly, I just wanted something that didn't clash with the majority of her toys.

Room clean, painted and closet doors removed.

About 2 days before the packers came to move us, I started moving the girls toys out of the house.  I got about 85% of their stuff out of their rooms, my living room, the linen closet, the storage closet, the kitchen and the back yard (and no, I am not kidding about any of the locations of their toys) before they noticed that there was almost nothing left to play with.  I wanted to do it early, and without things being boxed up, because I needed to know what they had and where things were going to go (and I wanted to donate the things they no longer used without them noticing as I had already made them clean out toys of their own choosing.  Now it was of my choosing.  Sneaky, huh?).  I brought things over as they were needed and immediately set them in their new home.  It was a seamless process and am so lucky to have been able to avoid the mess.  I always hate when you open a box, don't know where a single thing in it goes, so you push the box aside and try another.  I end up with a lot of open boxes and nothing put away.

Two weeks in and I am almost completely finished.  The only thing left to do is hang the picture frames that hold the chalk board and white board. (Secret - I bought the largest picture frames I could find.  I removed the glass and kept the backing board which I painted with the chalkboard/whiteboard paint.  I then put the backing in without the glass and will  hang the picture frames.  I also painted the frames white since all the other furniture in the room is white but that is optional).  I know they have a creative room, but I wanted them to have a place to draw in here too.  MadHatter likes to play teacher and this way she can set up her school at the desk and teach her animals.  Other than that, I think it is complete.

I am in love with the fact that toys are not allowed to leave this room.  I love the fact that the girls no longer  go into their rooms separately to play.  There is no fighting over what is whose since it is all in one room (somehow if a toy got in one girls room, it became theirs).  They cannot watch the TV and play at the same time so there is a lot less TV time in our house.  In fact, unless it is right before Stinkerbell goes for a nap or right before bed, the TV is usually off.  They are just bored sitting and staring so they get up and move to one of their fun rooms.  I love that.  And they are playing with toys that they forgot they even had. Because now they are all located in the same place, all the time.  There is a bin, box, shelf or hanger for everything and I make sure they know what that place is.   It has worked like a charm so far, but I know it is still a novelty to them.  Check in with me in 6 months and I'll let you know how it's working.

I am enchanted by this room and truly wish I had one like this growing up.  I am so fortunate to be able to create a space like this for my girls.  

And there is one of the positive sides to this move that I so dreaded.

The reading nook and play table space.

This turns into MadHatter's school room (or tea party area).  There are also a lot of puzzles done here.
(You can see the two frames pre-paint/glass removal.  They will be up tomorrow)

Books, books and more books.

The dress up portion of the closet.  MadHatter LOVES the full length mirror.
She could play dress up for hours - and does.

The full closet.  I removed the doors and put in curtains to make it easier on them (and me).  I strategically placed anything they are not allowed to play with without supervision on high shelves.  Everything they can reach is fair game.

Stinkerbell's space.  This contains mostly her age group of toys,
but MadHatter strays here occasionally.

Hey Ken, how do you like our new hang out???
(Over the door shoe organizer.  Great for Barbies)

  

The Creative Corner

This is no how-to.  This is a how-I-done-it.  I am not very good at starting from the beginning, planning it out, and then doing it.  I am more of a - this is my final vision, let's get there kind of gal.  I take step 8 and make it step 2 and only then realize it really should have been step 8 all along.  I see the end product but I just don't get there in a normal way.  So, don't follow this as a way for you to get the same results - although you could - it just would be ass-backwards.  If you like that kind of thing, then please, follow my steps and hopefully your end product will receive some applause and a hug or two (mine did from my favorite two people in the world).  No matter how many steps it takes, or how out of order they may be in the end,  really it is all the same.  And if I do say so myself, it turned out AWESOME.

This is what I started with.  It is a closet.  But, it is a closet with a huge window.  And it is superfluous because there is a larger closet right next to it.  This is the house that likes 2 of everything, placed right next to each other.  It basically renders one of them useless since they are so close.  If you walk farther down this same hallway there are two bathrooms thisclose to each other.  A bit strange, but when renting, you can't be choosy.  And you also can't expect the room to be empty or clean when you move in.

So, I started by cleaning the room and washing down the walls. I couldn't paint that dirt into the room.

That is some black dirt.

 When I was finally ready to start, I had a semi-clean empty room with all of my old nail/support holes filled.

Quite boring, right?

I had chosen my paint about a week before I started.  I did a lot of research on colors that were good for sparking creativity.  I kept coming up with Orange.  So I thought I would pick the brightest Orange I could find.  It is a small room and can take a bit of color...Ok, a lot of color.  I started with my brush and cut into the spots that needed it...

And then proceeded to roll on 4 coats of thick paint.  Yep.  4 coats.  Have I mentioned that even when you buy top of the line Sherwin-Williams paint, it is still not the same quality as what you are used to in the U.S.  But it turned out a pretty color and that is all that matters.

Painting done.  Now I needed to assemble the furniture I had gotten.  Two little desks with chairs and a standing shelving unit.  Not too bad, but since the directions were in Spanish it did take me a little longer than usual.  Just gave the paint more time to dry.  I am notorious for putting things back on walls before the paint is really dry.  I just don't have the patience.

Furniture assembled I now had to do the hardest part of the whole thing.  I needed to hang the Kitchen Organizers I was using for hanging baskets, a paper towel holder and clips.  I had three of them - one for over each desk so the girls couldn't fight over whose was whose.  The third was for holding their finished artwork.  It took some measuring to make sure they were centered over the desks, some leveling because I cannot stand crooked, and a lot of strength to drill in concrete.

But they went up quickly and since that was the extent of the hanging for now, it was time to bring in the desks, the rug, the supplies and organize the clutter that used to share space in my linen closet.  And ta-da....the girls had their own Creative Corner...

 

Pipe cleaners, strings and puff balls, oh my!

So many great containers for supplies

I really wanted to open all the supplies and start glittering everything!

Write on/Wipe off board stickers for the walls and door!

I told the girls that I had a surprise for them and told them to get some shoes on.  We walked over to the new house (now our house) and told them to try to find their surprise.  They were stymied for a bit since this was a couple of days before we officially were moving in.  The house was empty.  Every room they checked echoed.  They opened closets and bathrooms and could not figure it out.  And finally, just when I thought I would have to tell them or have some very cranky little girls on my hands, they found it.  MadHatter opened the door and gasped.  She loved the Orange.  She loved the colors.  She finally realized what had happened to all of her markers and coloring pages.  She couldn't stop opening drawers and looking in bins.  She got so excited when I told her that it was all hers and Stinkerbell's and that adults weren't allowed, she jumped up and hugged me so hard she almost knocked us both over.

We have now been in the house about 10 days.  If I can't find either of my kids and it is super quiet in my house, I know just where to look first.  The second place is their new playroom, which will get a separate post since I am just as excited about it (no more toys in the living room.  Who wouldn't be excited?)   The Creative Corner has already brought about some interesting craft ideas.  I can't wait to see what they cook up next.

For my Valentine

For B - 

You are not here for Valentine's day.  I was going to pack a card in your suitcase, but then couldn't find the card since it was probably shoved somewhere while we were moving.  But that is OK, because this isn't a holiday we have ever celebrated.  And I doubt we ever will.  Our mutual feeling of, "eh, it's another day",  was something we found we had in common when we first started dating. 

Having said that, let me send you a big 'ole smooshy Valentine anyway.  'Cause I know you'll be embarrassed by it, especially with it being on my blog.  But you'll love it all the same.  

You bought me the album Laundry Service  back when it first came out and we started dating.  By doing so you began my love of anything Shakira.   I am a sucker for her big voice and heartfelt lyrics.  And no, her "Hips Don't Lie", she is a fabulous performer.  She makes me want to take up bellydancing (but we both know I am a white girl through and through and that just isn't a good idea).  She makes me move and sing at the top of my voice.  You can't be still and silent when listening to Shakira.  And then I heard this song, "Underneath Your Clothes", and I just about wept.  Her voice is incredible but that isn't what gets me (well, ok, that gets me).  The best part of this song is the lyrics.  She just so powerfully sums it all up for me.  But you know that.  In fact, this song almost became our wedding song, as my tribute to you.  But I thought people would take the lyrics the wrong way.  I can understand why.  It has some lines that can be taken the wrong way...  But in it's simplest form this is just a song about a woman who loves her man more than anything else in the world  She loves him for everything he is and all that he has helped her become and what they can become together.  This song is all about the parts that make up a man.  A good man.  The things you can't see, but rather the parts that are underneath.  

And underneath your clothes I have found the man I love.  I found a man of integrity.  A man that is kind and compassionate and treats me like a queen, even when I don't deserve it.  A man who loves his family and cherishes the time we spend together, above all else.   I have found a man teeming with generosity, respect, loyalty and forgiveness. And yet there is also a side that is goofy and funny and always has the ability to laugh at himself.  With you, I have found a peace that eluded me for so long.  And I am so glad that you have chosen me to build your family, your life, with.  Happy Valentine's Day B.  I must have been a really good girl to deserve you!  ;)  

"Underneath Your Clothes" 

Shakira

You're a song

Written by the hands of God

Don't get me wrong 'cause

This might sound to you a bit odd

But you own the place

Where all my thoughts go hiding

And right under your clothes

Is where I find them

Underneath your clothes

There's an endless story

There's the man I chose

There's my territory

And all the things I deserve

For being such a good girl honey

Because of you

I forgot the smart ways to lie

Because of you

I'm running out of reasons to cry 

When the friends are gone

When the party's over

We will still belong to each other

Underneath your clothes

There's an endless story

There's the man I chose

There's my territory

And all the things I deserve

For being such a good girl honey

I love you more than all that's on the planet

Movin' talkin' walkin' breathing

You know it's true

Oh baby it's so funny

You almost don't believe it

As every voice is hanging from the silence

Lamps are hanging from the ceiling

Like a lady tied to her manners

I'm tied up to this feeling

Underneath your clothes

There's an endless story

There's the man I chose

There's my territory

And all the things I deserve

For being such a good girl honey

Salvoconducto

As you all know, we have been moving this week.  If you don't know you can read all about it here, here and here.  Or you can skip all that.  Totally up to you.

It has been an interesting process but if you have ever moved before, you can imagine pretty much what my week has been like.  First the packers showed up with more packing material than they could have used in packing up the whole block:

And this is only half of it...

Then, they proceeded to try and prove me wrong on my last statement by using so much paper on each and every thing I owned that I thought I was going to have to make a large cash donation to Trees for the Future.

It really was an ordinary move as far as moves go.  They packed and moved and just generally made a mess out of the order that was our lives.  Like I said, completely ordinary.  Except (oh, you knew there was an exception, you were waiting for it even) for that stubborn Salvoconducto.  The salvoconducto is a form letter that by law the movers need notarized before they will even take a toothbrush out of your house.  Yep, you need a note from your landlord before you can legally move you out of your rental.

It isn't really difficult, but it can be time consuming.  You need to have a letter from your landlord saying that you are up to date on your rent.  Then you need the last 3 months worth of cancelled checks to prove that you and your landlord are both telling the truth.  You will also need the last 3 months of paid statements for your water, electric, gas and your grocery bills (I'm just kidding on the last one, but it's about the only thing they don't ask you for).  You take these things, your cedula (ID card) along with the copy of your landlords cedula, a copy of your rental contract and a partridge in a pear tree (again, just kidding.  I think.)  This goes to the notary in your comuna (neighborhood) and you sign and fingerprint the document (not kidding - they put a fingerprint on all official signatures here to prove that you are really the person that signed it).  Once you have your salvoconducto, your are free to have your belongings moved out of your home.

It wouldn't have been too difficult, just time consuming, if B hadn't been out of town the whole 10 days before we moved.  The landlord tried to take all of the documents to the notary and do it for us seeing as he was the person that was renting us the house.  Nothing doing.  I tried to get them to let me do it since I am his wife and also a renter.  But my name is not on the contract.  This could only be done by B.  Thank goodness the packers were good enough to start the process - without the salvo, without taking anything out of the premises - on the promise that B would have it by that afternoon.

And he did.

 From there on out, things went smoothly.  Better than smoothly actually.  I can officially say that I only have 2 more boxes to unpack and 2 sets of drapes to hang and we are all moved in.   And that includes all pictures hung, knick knacks placed and toys with homes.   Probably a record for me as it has only been 6 days since this move started.  It is one of the big perks of being able to move 2 doors down and unpack and set up, as they are still packing up your other house.  It allows you to keep ahead of the deluge of boxes. And the mass of paper...Oh, the masses of paper.  I would have loved it if they had taken the paper and re-used it (and the boxes too) but I think they were charging by the amount of supplies used.  I may need to make that donation to the reforestation efforts after all.

And we are off...

We are finally under way with our move.  Officially, the moving company will be coming tomorrow.  At least I think they are...I have not heard from them since the day they were here two weeks ago to assess the amount of stuff we have.  But I have been assured they will be here.  Consider me assured.  I am too tired to worry. You see, we spent all day moving things over to the new house.  Things we did not want to pack, and then unpack and throw the box and paper away after having used it for all of 30 seconds.

I called my good friend A this morning to ask if she could watch the girls for a bit as they were not being as helpful as they could have been.  I mean, we are only moving 30 yards down the street and it wasn't like I was asking them to carry the other end of the couch.  (Well, I asked but they both looked at me a little funny)  Amazing how whiny a 2 1/2 year old gets after her 4th trip, carrying things like pillows and stuffed animals.  I had totally forgotten that A and her family had just gotten back last night from a week long trip to Patagonia.  At midnight.  I immediately cancelled my request.  But she called back and told me to drop off the girls and pick up her husband.  She said he was much better at picking up the other end of the couch.  She was right.

Thanks to a lot of walking back and forth over the same 30 yards, we were able to move the entire living room, dining room and girls playroom over to the new house.  And the nice thing about doing it once piece at a time - you get to set it up as you go.  Without having to trip over boxes, without having to wad up the paper and throw it away, without lots of people you don't know asking you where things go.  Too bad tomorrow they will proceed to box, wrap and ask.  It was nice while it lasted.

When we finally called it a day, we headed back to A's house to get the girls and realized that we were exhausted but also famished as we had forgotten to eat.  And since they had been gone all week, they had no food in the house.  Pizza it was.  And only just now, after having been home for an hour or so, have I realized that: A babysat my kids all day and G (her husband) moved half of my house in 90 degree heat, and they paid for the pizza - so they bought us dinner on top of it.  I will rectify that quickly but that's some good friends for you!

Only 6 more days of this...At least according to the moving company.  Give me 6 of my good friends and we could have it knocked out in 2.  Right now, I couldn't move another Zooble so I am off to bed.