Having moved a few times in my life (it's 17 if you want to know and I am still not even 40). Not as much as some but definitely more than the average (11.7 moves in a lifetime).

There are a lot of great things about moving so much.  You get to do and see things in a way that you couldn't if you just visited a place for a week (or two or even a month).  You aren't on vacation so you settle in and get to know the rhythm of the city.  An insider's view emerges and what makes a place tick (or slow down as it may be) becomes clear.  You begin to plan your days around the traffic patterns and if you do get stuck on the wrong end of the city at the wrong time of day, you have little known shortcuts up your sleeve.  You have the time and the inclination to find out of the way restaurants that aren't listed in any guidebooks.  You make friends with the locals and they let you in on even more secret restaurants, stores to find the perfect "whatever you are searching for" and great places that you can take the kids that you never would have stumbled upon.  It's exciting and adventurous and overwhelming.  You don't always have to love it, but you do have to live it, so you learn to really live it.  And then you learn to love it.  And I wouldn't trade it for the world.

But that doesn't mean that it is always fun moving every couple of years.  Some of the things I have to do will never make my list of favorite things - packing and unpacking, researching neighborhoods/schools/living arrangements, leaving some really cool cities behind and, most of all, saying goodbye to family and friends.  That last one really sucks, for lack of a better word.

As weird as it sounds, family is the easiest to say goodbye to.  At least for me.  Hear me out on this one...I haven't lived with or near my immediate family since I was 18.  Both because I moved away, then they moved away, then I moved again...You get the picture.  It isn't about who moved where though - it's about who is always there.  No matter how far away they live, no matter how weird the time zone math is (and we have done some horrible time zone math), no matter how long the plane flight can be, they will always come see you (or you them).  You can't get rid of those buggers...
And that is why it is easier to say goodbye to my family.  I know I will see them again.  And soon.  With my friends I just never know.  Because friends you have when you live in the same city will start to fall into different categories when you move 200, 1000, even 6000 miles away...and you never know which category that will be until you are already gone.

The first people to get categorized will be your casual friends and acquaintances but you sort of knew this one before you left.  These are the friends that you only saw on occasion - at your child's pre-school or dance classes.  They are friends but not people that you know very well in the real world.  You hang out a couple of times a year, and have a blast when you are together, but you know that the promises to stay in touch will be unfulfilled.  After the initial inquires into how the move went, how you are settling in and such, the communication will fall off.  Soon you will be Facebook friends and will start to feel like you are spying on their lives through the picture window at the front of their house.  You are an outsider looking in.

Then there are the work/expat friends. In our case this happens to put them into the "those who move like you do" category.  They know when you meet them that you aren't going to be there very long - or that they themselves will move on before you do.  You make friendships fast and furiously because you never know how long it will last.  You have at least one thing in common from the start - you understand the life style and the demands of the job.  If they are expats you can add the shared fact that you are both in a strange country navigating life together.  And that is a pretty potent glue.  You say goodbye knowing that there is always the chance that you will meet up again, in another city/country, and so you tend to keep in touch.  Maybe not all the time, but through Christmas cards, the occasional email and word from the work front.  If you are lucky enough to find yourself in the same city again, you pick up where you left off, until the next move.

But what about those that are your closest of friends?  Those will always stay close, right?  Sadly, even the best of them will get weeded out.  Either by your choice or theirs.  You can't possibly keep connected with them all.  There are just too many of them from too many cities (even if you only have 2-3 really good friends from each place you live that would add up to quite a lot of people after 40 years of moving).  And I tend to be someone that can only handle sharing the most intimate details of my life with a few at a time.

In the beginning I try very hard to keep them all close.  I send out emails to each checking on their lives, make phone calls to catch up,  and send postcards and letters.  And it seems promising - maybe this time I can take them all with me.  But then life takes over and I am sucked into the daily grind of errands and school and housekeeping.  Throw in building new friendships and this time, learning a new language, and I am busy.   The communication from my end can start to slack off.  Some will understand and make more of an effort - they will take the reigns and know that just because they are the ones that are always making contact first it doesn't mean that I don't care just as much as they do, it just means that I have more of them to do it with.  You have to remember they lost one friend and I moved on from MANY. They get the dynamic.  I may not always pick up the phone first, but when I answer it, they get my full attention.

But some will see my lack of calling, writing and keeping in touch as a sign that they are no longer important.   And I get that.  I really do.  They don't move the way you do and you can't take it personally.  But you also don't have to take it without a bit of disappointment.  It's always sad to have to downgrade a friendship.  And it hurts when it is someone that you really thought you could take with you for the long haul.  But I don't ever count them out.  They just get re-categorized until the next time we see each other.  When I visit my old haunts (which is not often but it does happen) I call them up and hope that they can fit me in to their lives.  I always love to spend a couple of hours catching up, laughing about old times, and just being in great company.  It doesn't always work out but I will do everything in my power to make it happen.

This trip back to the U.S. is a special one for me.  In addition to it being the first time leaving Chile since arriving over 15 months ago, I am also going back to California (where we just moved from). That is very unusual.  Usually my vacation days are spent seeing the family I am away from most of the year (or 2).  They deserve the days I have - they earned it by living with me through my teenage years.  Oh, they earned it!

I am leaving tomorrow for the next 6 weeks.  4 of it for family (near and far - how exciting is that?) and 2 to spend with friends.  A good split if you ask me.  And before I know it I will have reconnected, reminisced and reveled in all that is good with my life.  And before I know it the whole trip will be behind me and, once again, I will have to begin re-categorizing...

UGH.