Two year old = Communist Dictator. Discuss.

Two year olds are really just dictators-in-training. Perhaps they are part of the Communist leadership.  Maybe a combination of the two - Communist dictators.  It's hard to tell.  Two year olds are very cunning little people and you can never be sure how much of what they do is pure chance and how much is carefully deliberated.  If you don't have kids, you are probably thinking to yourself, "How can she say these things about these cherubic munchkins?  They are just too cute to be called Stalinesque."  You may think I have finally lost it.  Though, if you have ever lived with a two year old, you are curious to read on and see where this is going.  You have already started nodding your head, thinking "Yeah, she could be on to something here".  Let me make my case for those that aren't currently (or were recently) under the tyrannical rule of a wee Hitler.

First, let's make sure we are all on the same page when it comes to defining a communist/dictator.  I define a dictator as an un-elected leader that exercises absolute control over all aspects of life in their country (home).  Also, it is true with Communism, that the individual is secondary to the state (home) and there will be no opposition tolerated.  If you have a different definition, you might as well stop reading because my whole case rests on this definition.  

Let me present my case...

First case in point: Try reasoning with a 2 year old.  If you don't have one handy, stop by any time and Stinkerbell would be happy to oblige. OK, how did that go?  It didn't?  Well, of course it didn't. You can't reason with a two year old.  That would be like trying to reason with Kim Jong-il (before he passed.  Maybe even after).  It just won't work.  There is only black and white in their world and if you see in rainbow colors you might as well exile yourself.  Quickly.  Because the way they will go about your exile will not be pleasant.

Which brings me seamlessly into my second point: Anyone who opposes said point of view will be punished.  Swiftly, harshly and without remorse.  All rulers toddlers go about this in different manners but the result is the same.  My particular dictator likes the screaming, crying and throwing things method of showing her displeasure.  It doesn't get her anything but put in time out and having to clean up her mess, but she still favors it.  If it is only a minor mismatch in viewpoints she changes tactics a bit (It's like she doesn't deem it worthy of a full on tantrum).  She will just keep saying the same thing 400 times. And amazingly can get them all in in under a minute (But I want it.  But I want it.  But I want it...)   It's her way of trying to bend the situation to her will.   It's worse than a broken record; it's more like Chinese water torture, without the water.

Point three:  The household is run by a command economy.  The ruler will decide what is needed, in what quantity and who will provide it, because you can guarantee it won't be them.  Your jobs will not be determined by your strength and weakness, but by necessities of one person = the ruler.  Remember, this is not a democracy, there are no other needs, only those of the big boss.  And if you cherish your sanity you will become a short order cook, a maid, driver, playmate, nurse, scientist (someone has to figure out what that is all over the kitchen floor), a hairdresser and stylist, a singer (you must be entertaining, not good), a dancer (see singer) and dole out kisses on demand. You will know where little bunny foo foo is at all times (George Orwell's 1984 has nothing on us), you will keep a sippy cup full at all time with their favorite juice and you will know, before they do, when it is time to visit the bathroom.  You are a slave, a mother, a father, a best friend and a teacher all at the same time.   You will be asked to switch seamlessly from one role to the other.  You will be given no notice and you will  have no place to lodge a complaint.  And time off?  Are you kidding?  This is a 24/7 job. If you don't like it, please see exiling, self above.

And that brings me to Point 4.  They know it all and their time should not be wasted by telling them that you might know better.  Do not insinuate you know better than they do by asking them to stop and pee before we have a real mess to clean up.  They aren't going to clean it up anyway, so why should they stop having fun?  Do not attempt to tell them that the reason they are acting this way is that they are simply hungry.  A small snack, lunch, anything...will make it all better.  They are not hungry unless they tell you they are hungry.  Don't try to know more than they do.  If they scream in the middle of the night, you best be at their side in record time.  I have been known to be called out of bed because a pillow fell on the floor and she wouldn't retrieve it.  From the screaming coming from her room, you would have thought she had fallen out of the top bunk (which we don't even have).  I did not come to her side in a time deemed appropriate and I was punished for it the whole next morning...No, really.  She kept asking why I wouldn't come get her pillow.  In reality, it took me less than a minute from the time I heard her, until she was asleep again.

Which is another point - they have minds like a steel trap.  It amazes me all the time that we can't remember much that happened in our lives before about 5, but when we are 2 we can remember every wrong that has been done us since birth.  We are lucky we as adults don't live in communist dissent prisons run by the preschool set.  These little guys rule with an unrelenting fist.  And a cute face.

Are you starting to see my point on the communist dictator bit?  You are leaning my way at this point, aren't you?  Let me wrap it up.

They believe that what is mine, is mine.  And what is yours is mine.  I don't need to elaborate for anyone that has children, has ever had children, or has ever breathed the same air as a child.  There is no word as sharing in their vocabulary and even if they don't really want anything to do with your nose hair trimmer, it belongs to them.  And if you don't hand it over right this instant, you will hear, 400 times in less than a sixty seconds - But I want it. But I want it. But I want it....

And then there is the part that keeps them from being ousted by a troop of guerrilla forces dressed in camo at 3 am...They generate a cult of personality.  Not in the usual ways since they don't have a lot of access to the media (print, social or electronic) but they wage the P.R. battle with smiles, cuteness and general silliness that makes others think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread.  They put on one face for the world and behave like their true selves behind the confines of their own castle.

In reality, we wouldn't have it any other way.  It is all a part of having children and not strangling them before they become teenagers (which is when you should strangle them anyway).

I do love my Stinkerbell, but there are days that I think that Pol Pot would have been easier to live with.  Kidding.  I think...

(And before I get a lot of nasty email - please remember who wrote this...Sarcasm is my forte...)