Potty Training Part 2

I have been a mother for 3 years, 8 months and 3 days or 1342 days.  Not a long time in the general scheme of things (though it seems much longer when you look at it this way) but long enough to have learned about the joys of being a mom, and even about some of the not so hot moments.  Like the fact that I haven't had but a handful of truly restful nights sleep in those same 1342 days, or that it truly is much better when your child has to throw up, to just cup your hands together and catch (you will never make it to the bathroom in time, and they will not hit the bucket/bowl/receptacle of choice, even if it is handy) and you will save yourself a ton of clean up time.  I have helped them navigate all of their firsts, and I have done it with much excitement and anticipation (and lots of pictures to mark the moments).  You can't see your child take their first wobbly steps, whether it is at 8 months or 13 months, and not be overcome with pride and a feeling that they are the only babies that did it THIS good.  You feed them that first spoonful of solid food and just wait for the inevitable face.  You know, the one that says -  How dare you replace my milk with...this?  Even though, for the past 10 minutes she has contentedly been chewing on the cats toy without a care in the world.  And I have done it twice, in a very short span of time (what were we thinking having two kids 17 months apart)?  And I would not have changed it for the world.  Those firsts are precious and they only happen once and I am so grateful to have been able to witness them all.

With that said, I have DREADED this day (week, month, 6 months) almost from the moment Stinkerbell was born...the day she started Potty Training.  I would have paid someone to live through this "first" for me (no, really, I looked it up online and there are people that will come in for a week and potty train your kids for you...no, really).  Sure, the first picture of them on the potty (this is not the VERY first time, but forgive me my camera is broken and my phone is not always handy in the bathroom)

Potty training does not take a break, even while at the park.

Thanks for the Minnie Mouse panties, Auntie Shannon!

and the first picture of Stinkerbell in panties are both very cute...and the moment she peed for the very first time in the big girl potty and the "I did it" recognition that crossed her face were all very special.  I couldn't imagine not having been there...But now someone else can take over for me and just hand her back to me when she has perfected the Art of Potty Training.

I don't dislike it for the reasons you might be thinking.  MadHatter was a dream to potty train, so I have no bad experience to have scarred me. In whole, I could not have scripted the situation any better. Heck, she was even night time trained 2 months after she turned 2 (hate mail can be sent to...)   So, where does this antipathy come from you ask?  I'm not sure I know, but I think I can try to explain.

The hardest part about Potty Training is not the training itself.  The hardest part is the constant need to be on your toes because in the beginning you are actually the one that is being trained.  You are being trained to notice the subtle signs that the trainee needs to go, might need to go, or has already gone.  You will need to be aware of every sip of liquid that goes into their little mouths so that you can start the mental 20 minute timer and know when you will need to take them to tinkle.  The same thing applies for food, but you have a much longer lead time until that comes out again.  And beware of the random sippy cup that they have stashed somewhere from last week.  That sip could be the one that throws them over the edge.  You have to be ready at a moments notice to leave your grocery cart, full of groceries, at the front of the store while you race against the clock to make it to the bathroom before we need cleanup on Aisle 1.  And you will always be on the opposite end of the store than the bathroom, don't kid yourself and think it will be close (here in Chile - it is outside the store and downstairs...way to be helpful).  And let's not talk about all the times you will take them out, perhaps to eat a nice lunch or get some ice cream, and you will get all settled in with your food and you hear "I have to pee pee" and they mean it - RIGHT NOW.  Your only choice is to leave the food, grab your child (children if you have more than one), your purse and run...hoping you make it.  And if you do, you have to hope that the restaurant doesn't think you skipped out on the bill and has cleaned up your table while you were gone (yes, it happened).  You don't have time to find someone to explain, you just have to go.  Are you starting to get the picture.  There is no more waiting to change their diaper because it is already wet and what will 10 more minutes really mean.  You wait that 10 minutes with a potty trainer and you will need a change of clothes, for them, and perhaps for you.  You will strip them down at least once, in public, in a place you would never (and I mean never) have thought to ever strip your child down before (Aisle 6 today, right next to the cake mixes imported from the U.S.) because they have peed and it is much easier to get the wet clothes off than to listen to them screaming about how they peed.  (Luckily we had picked up panties earlier and had an extra veggie bag with us for the clothes.  She finished out the trip in skivvies, tennies and her top).

 If you weren't a helicopter parent before, you will be now.  You must be with your child 24/7.  But, you think, I already am with them all the time, how much more could I possibly be with them.  Don't kid yourself...you are in the same house with them, but usually by age 2 or 3, you can walk out of a room and trust them not to stick a knife in the light socket (nobody call social services, I do not leave them with knives...just light sockets). You may have hit the point that you may even be able to shower or go to the bathroom without a shadow.  No more.  You will now have to keep an eagle eye on them all the time.  When I shower, she plays iPad games.  If she stops and gets that look, I have to jump out of the shower, put her on the potty while I drip all over my iPad (can you tell this happened to me today).  You are like a fly and flypaper!

Are you exhausted yet?  I am.

So, Potty Training is not my favorite part of Motherhood.  There is bound to be something that we don't like in our jobs.  I am pretty grateful that for the most part that I do love my job and I love being able to watch my girls grow up.  I would not want to be doing anything else, anywhere else...but I am also not above letting someone else take the lead on this project.  Feel free to call me if this sounds like a job you might like...

(P.S.  She has been a fabulous trainee and she is learning so fast.  2 accidents in 4 days is to be celebrated.  Still hate the task at hand)