The Second Settling In

Before we left California, B's company put us through a one day program on expat living.  They covered everything from the cultural behavior in Chile to adapting and living in a new culture and then how to apply what we had just learned.  It was a lot to take in, and intense though it was, it was still too short.  There was no way for them to answer all of my questions.  Mostly because I didn't even know what my questions were.  The problem with taking this class before leaving is that I had no first hand knowledge of Chile, its people and its culture.  I didn't know what I didn't know, as the saying goes.  So I didn't have a lot of questions at the time, but I sure could have used the class time about a month after getting here.  Or yesterday.  And I could probably find a reason for calling them even a year down the road, but I digress...what I wanted to write about was the Stages of Adjustment that we talked about that day.  The Stages chart looks like this:
                                        

Now, I have moved before.  A lot.  I should almost have this graph tattooed on my inner forearm for quick refreshers.  But I don't really need it.  I can recite is from memory, backwards.  I have fought and struggled with each step at least once, tried to pretend they didn't exist so that I could skip right over them, but in the end, I know that you just can't avoid them.  You simply can't move anywhere, much less to another hemisphere, without feeling some sort of disorientation at first.  Depending on how far out of your comfort zone you stray, or culture zone as the case may be, will determine about how long this "shock" will last.  Moving from North Carolina to Illinois had a pretty short adjustment period for me because in essence, I had moved home.  On the other hand, moving to California from Wisconsin took me about a year.  And that was still within my own country.  So I knew coming into this it could be a long while before I felt like me again and that the life I was living was the one that I truly wanted to live.  I know there is no way to tell how long each stage will last, but I was hoping, for all of our sakes, that it would cycle pretty quickly.

And for the most part, it has.  The shock and anxiety were licked in less than a week.  Don't misunderstand, there were still some stressful times (like when they pulled our rental house out from beneath us less than 4 weeks from our packing date) and there were some days when I thought "what the heck are we doing uprooting ourselves and moving to a country where I speak very little of the native language, with a husband that travels a lot, and we have two toddlers to boot..."  I wouldn't be human if I didn't think about those things.  But I was sure that we had made the right decision and I moved right into the Arrival Fascination phase.  And fascinated I was.  Santiago is a sight.  Those majestic Andes just overwhelm your senses the minute you see them for the first time.   It almost makes you blind to everything else.  But Santiago itself is a beautiful city.  It has a lot of older architecture downtown, tons of large green spaces for the kids, restaurants galore and again, as if you could ever forget, there is always that stunning view of the Andes mountains that surrounds you on all sides.  

My honeymoon with the city lasted about 2 months.  That is when I started to really "live" here and not just feel like I was on an extended vacation.  MadHatter was back in school, Stinkerbell and I had settled into our routine, and we were back to that 90% rule.  Life was not about unpacking boxes and setting up house. It was no longer necessary to GPS every address every time I left the house.  I had made some friends, I could find the store and I was starting to think that I had this think licked.  And then life got in the way.  I hit the culture shock.  Things would easily annoy me if they didn't go just the way I had planned they would.  I got upset with the people I met because they didn't get me - and that wasn't just a language thing...they truly just didn't get me and my American ways.  I got frustrated that I couldn't make myself understood and started thinking about how much easier it was to go to Starbuck's and order my favorite Java Chip, Light, no whipped cream please, when I could say those exact words and not some Spanglish version of them.  I started skipping going to Starbuck's because it was just too much of a hassle and frankly, I just did not want to have to think that hard about ordering something I really didn't need anyway.  I started staying in instead of venturing out.  I skipped browsing in the stores because inevitably someone would ask me if I needed help or tell me what the sale of the day was, and I didn't want to have to just nod, and pretend I understood every word.  I missed Target.  I missed my friends and frankly, I just wanted things to go back to being easy again.  And then, just as quickly as it came on, it ended.  I hit the Surface Adjustment period...and I am not sure I have left it yet, or if I have just smoothly guided myself into Acceptance.  I am hoping for the latter because that would mean I didn't have to go through the Isolation portion of this whole cycle.

Exactly 6 months ago today we landed in Santiago to begin our new lives as expats.  So, where am I now?  I think I am at the Second Settling In (not on my chart above but it comes after surface integration).  I no longer feel like I am just surviving here in Chile, but I feel as though I may be able to thrive.  I am not frazzled by the simple thought of going out of my house and I am not so mentally exhausted at the end of the day that I just want to fall in bed and never get back up.  I am starting to think about what I can do to make sure I am getting the most out of my experience here, and not simply getting by while waiting to get home and back to my "real" life.  I am settling in for the long haul and am hoping to really enjoy the ride.  I don't delude myself by thinking it will be easy.  I know I have plenty of challenges ahead of me in the next few years but I feel I am ready to handle them now.  Bring it on Chile, bring it on!

My Yellow Taxi

As the song goes "You don't know what you got 'til it's gone".  And that bell has rung true for me on more than one occasion.  But I never thought it would hit home so much when it came to my camera.   I mean, really, who is that attached to their camera?  I guess the answer is...Me.   I posted a while back about its slow demise and why I think photographs are so important to me, especially now that we live 6000 miles from home.  And I needed to find a replacement...Now.  I could keep mine on life support for only so long and I get a bit anxious when I go too many days without taking a few snaps.  And my cell phone camera really just doesn't make the grade.  So I had to make a decision and fast.   It was imperative that I could get it shipped to B's hotel and time the arrival for the 5 days he would be in the U.S. (and the Gymboree, Children's Place and halloween costume orders too).  You really don't want to buy an imported anything in Chile, but a camera will run you at least twice what it retails for in the states.  

It really wasn't that hard for me to make a decision, just much harder to spend the money.   I already knew what I wanted as I have been hinting about wanting a new camera body for about a year.  I have spent a considerable amount of my free time online looking up comparisons and pricing them, just wishing that someday I could get a new one.  I have ogled them in stores when we passed by the window.  I have told B countless times - "this shot would have been so much better if I just had the right camera".  But I also knew that I had a perfectly good camera.  Actually, a better one than most probably have.  Unless I was going to become a professional photographer (not on my radar) or somehow started making my own spending money (again not on the radar here in Chile, I can get by at the grocery store, but work is another story) I was not in any position to ask for a new camera body.   And in this instance, the body is all I need.  It's like the rest of us - the body wore out after a lot of use.  My lenses all work just fine and since I was staying with the Canon brand, they would all transfer to the new body.  It made the pill a little less difficult for B to swallow when I told him that I really did need to pull the plug and make the purchase.  It was still a pretty big pill.  

As for me, I did a happy dance just a bit.  I would never have wished my camera to start pushing up daisies, but it did and I couldn't pretend that I wasn't just slightly happy.  I now had the chance to upgrade.  And upgrade I did.  I moved up and out of the entry level and into a serious enthusiast/semi-pro level.  I was so excited when I added the camera to my cart.  I was giddy just thinking about holding it in my hands and snapping that first shot. I couldn't wait to test it out.  And I couldn't wait to try out my new lens too.  Yes, I know, just a paragraph above I said that my current lenses would work just fine.  And they do.  But with the money I saved on the camera body (I am a great shopper), I purchased the one lens I had been coveting for a long time - a 50mm 1:1.8.  For those that know photography, you know you just can't live without one.    

When B returned home from the states on Saturday, I don't think I even said hello.  Well, I said hello but I was just being polite...I missed him, sure.  He had been gone all week.  But my camera had been gone a month.  Priorities, people, priorities!  I went to his bag, dug around through his dirty clothes for my goodies and started checking everything out.  I plugged in the battery to charge and while I was waiting for it to be ready, I started reading the manual.  Yes, I always read the manual.  It's a necessity for a camera.  Heck, I even re-read the manual sometimes when I think I am in a rut.  Inevitably there is something in there you forgot and it starts you thinking about new ways to shoot things.  I was antsy to get started but batteries need to be fully charged so I tried to be patient.  And I am about as patient as my 2 year old...not very.  I kept running into the bathroom to check and see if the light had switched from red to green.  It hadn't but it was blinking faster and that meant it was getting closer.

And then all of a sudden, there it was!  Green light!  I was ready to go - and I was raring to go.  I didn't have a lot of time to play that day, or really in the couple of days since but I know that it is here and ready for me to play with at any time.  And that makes me a little less anxious.  I have taken enough pictures with it to know that the difference between my old body and the new one is considerable.  The new camera has better image quality, shoots faster (needed with kids), has lower noise, but most of all it has a much much much higher resolution.  80% higher.  This translates to 80% more detail in every shot.  In short, what I see through the viewfinder is what I am going to see on screen when I upload my shots.  Something that was always a bit of a let down with my trusty old sidekick.   

I am now going out to play.  With my kids and the camera.  I leave you with a few of the shots I have taken.  You tell me if it was worth the upgrade.

Sweet Baby James

One day MadHatter and I were talking.  When you have a 3 year old, this happens a lot (and I mean, a lot) and sometimes I do it on autopilot.  You know, listening with one ear, but doing something else at the same time.   I was half listening to her story about her and this boy she had met, and how they were playing with the ghost in the house.  The ghost wasn't new, he appears in a lot of her tales, but this was the first I had heard of James.  When I inquired if he was a new friend from school, she said no.  Now I'm really curious about where she met James, so I asked her if he was a friend from the park?  Again, no.  You would think by now she would have realized that I would like her to tell me where she met this boy James.  That she would have volunteered the needed information instead of making me ask twenty questions.  But, as anyone who has, or has spent time around, a 3 year old knows, she was not giving up the information unless directly asked.  So,  I asked her where she met James and, more importantly to me, why I had not met him?  I mean, she is only 3 after all - she doesn't have the opportunity to be out an about in the world for very long without me by her side, much less long enough to meet someone new and know them by name.  She told me I was being silly, that of course I knew James, he was her baby brother.  Oh.  Silly Mom.  How could I have forgotten James.

My listening autopilot went off immediately and I took back the controls.  If it was a game of twenty questions she wanted, well, she got it.  And perhaps even a bit more.  The details on how James came to be her baby brother are still a bit fuzzy.  She never really answers that question but will answer almost everything else in great detail. Some of the details change but it seems she is very clear on others  He is a year old ("I don't know exactly how old, Mama, but he is the same as Laney").  He is not tall, but he is not short "like Stinkerbell" and he can wear the clothes that Stinkerbell has outgrown - "Mama, maybe baby James would like these pants instead of giving them to Laney"?  I reply, "Maybe, but I don't think that pink is really his color".  "No mama, pink is his color.  He told me yesterday".  He can't talk yet in words that I can understand, but MadHatter is his big sister so "I understand him perfect.  I was a baby when we were in California so I still speak baby.  You don't speak it anymore".  I am told not to worry, she will keep me updated on everything I need to know about his life.  Not worried MadHatter, not worried at all.

I did ask her if James was ever going to come live with us.  You see, James has only ever lived with us once.  When we were in California.  He lived with us at our house for about 2 weeks and then moved with us to our temporary "hotel house", where we had to stay for almost 6 weeks before moving down here to Chile.  I asked MadHatter why we didn't bring James with us when we came to Chile and she just looked at me like I was a losing my mind.  "Of course we didn't bring him Mama...He doesn't speak Spanish"...  I asked her again about a month ago and she told me he was still back at the "hotel house" and didn't want to leave because he really loved it there.  His friends were close and came to visit him all the time, and he still doesn't speak Spanish.  I wasn't to worry though, he wasn't lonely.  Today, he was brought up in the car on the way home.  I had to ask...Where is James today, MadHatter?  "At the doctor's office.  He had to have his neck cut and he can't come home for a bit."  I asked her if he was going to be OK and she said no, not until I can get him his band-aids but then he will be fine.

No, the significance of James is not lost on me.  And I love that she has created such a great way to dialog with me about things that she just doesn't know how to talk about otherwise.  It's funny that at three she has created the proverbial "friend".  You know the one...you're talking with someone and you say, "So, I have this friend who has this problem..."  She just doesn't have the words or the emotional maturity to tell me some of the things she is wrestling with right now.  There have been big, make that BIG, changes in her life this past six months.  She just can't find the right way to say that learning a new language is hard, and a bit scary.  She doesn't know how to tell me that she misses her friends, the ones she has known all of her life, and that makes her a bit lonely.  She wants me to know that she may have been apprehensive about my surgery, but that it all turned out fine in the end, but just can't find the right words.  So, James supplies the words for her.  And the emotions.  And in the end, I don't care who does the talking and the sharing.  It doesn't matter how it comes about, I just care that we keep talking, and discussing, and she knows that no matter what is bothering her James, that she he can always come talk to me.

(And P.S.  for those of you that think that she just wants a baby brother, I will share with you what she told me herself when I asked  - "Are you crazy Mama.  Then I would have to share my toys with Stinkerbell and a baby.  NO WAY."  Guess we are off the hook).

Spring has Sprung

Just as the weather is turning cooler back in the states and parents are celebrating the first weeks of the new school year, we are ending our Spring Break here in the Southern Hemisphere.  Actually, school was out for the week because of a national holiday (think 4th of July, but much bigger), but they don't get an official "Spring Break", so this is it.  MadHatter has been home for the past 10 days and the weather has cooperated with us by raising itself into the 22-25C region (70-80F) and no rain (hopefully until next winter).  It was a lot of fun having both kids home all day and we sure made the most of it.  Hope you enjoy a quick peek at our fun...

We swang...

We potty trained...

We got bounce house hair...

We licked the spoon...

And forgot to hold on tight.

        

And climbed the bug...

I painted some...

I studied some...

But mostly we laughed and played and acted like kids!

We danced a bit, got horsey rides and took lots and lots of baths - sometimes 2 a day because it's our favorite time of day. It's when we talk about what we did, and how much fun we had and what we were planning tomorrow!

And we topped it all off with some kite flying in the park for our final hurrah!  I wish it didn't have to end...well, sort of.  I am exhausted!

El Dieciocho - better known as September

The fourth of July is a big deal in the U.S.  A really big deal.  And I love the holiday for all that it stands for and for the fact that, for one day, the whole country comes together.  We put our difference behind us.  We don't worry about political affiliations, we become colorblind, we become a classless society and realize, at least for one day, that we are all living in the same neighborhood - the United States.  We are all just happy to be American and we celebrate it for one glorious day.

But we have nothing on the Chileans.

They don't celebrate for a mere day.  Or even a weekend.  They celebrate for a whole month.  And when I say celebrate, I mean, they CELEBRATE.  There are Asados to stuff yourself at, Fondas to attend and Cuecas to dance. There are Terremotos to drink, kites to fly and if you have kids, school assemblies to attend.  Though is seems like a lot, you have plenty of time to do it all.  More than once.   Because even though the Chilean's independence from Spain was declared on the 18th of September (hence Dieciocho) in 1810, it all starts with the 1st of September.  When the date finally rolls around the entire country seems to heave off the shackles of winter and lifts their newly lightened limbs to the skies to welcome the dawning of Spring.  It is the end of the cold, damp winter and it is the perfect time to celebrate.  At the beginning of the month you start to notice the vendors lining the street corners are now selling flags of every size and kites in every shape. You will start finding the grocery stores stocked with all of your Asado necessities - meat, meat, grill, meat, some bread and a bit more meat.  You will start seeing traditional Cueca outfits - for men this means a traditional huaso's hat (flat and round brimmed) with a flannel poncho worn over his shoulders, riding pants and boots (spurs optional).  Woman wear a flowered dress with an apron.  As the month progresses, and we get nearer and nearer to El Dieciocho - the Fondas (and feasts) begin in earnest.

I don't even know if I could describe a Fonda since I have only been to one, so I will let Doris Hamilton (a noted teacher from Chile) say it for me..."Fondas are held in large gathering halls in small temporary sites in the cities, towns and rural areas of Chile.  The fondas in small towns and rural areas are often roofed with branches from eucalyptus trees and have sawdust-covered floors.  Usually the fondas operate for five or six nights during the Dieciocho celebration." And then they disappear, unti the next year.  The one we went to yesterday was hardly in a small town (the east end of Santiago) and was held at a large park.  It reminded me of the county fair that rolled into my small city every year, only to roll out two weeks later.  The Fonda had rodeo's and livestock, local wares and homemade jams for sale.  There was a midway and a food way (not a real word but you get my drift).  There was a stage for the bands and floor for dancing.
It was a lot of fun for all of us.  We each tried a little bit of everything.  Stinkerbell got to go on her first roller coaster and she stuffed herself with her favorite Chilean food - Choripan (Chorizo sausage wrapped in bread).  She also had "Candy Cotton" and a sticky face.  MadHatter got her Papa to dance the Cueca with her, which she couldn't have enjoyed more, even more than the pony ride that wrapped up our day.  B and I tried our first Terremoto (translates literally to earthquake) and it really does leave your knees wobbly and the ground shaking - and we split one.  I can't imagine drinking a whole one.

The recipe: 

2 Liters of White Wine

1 1/4 cups of Pisco

3 Tbs sugar

Pineapple Ice Cream

In a shaker add the white wine, pisco, sugar and about 5 Tbs of ice cream.  Cover shaker and mix well.  Pour into tall pint glass and top with a large scoop of ice cream.  Feel the earth shake!

Feliz Dieciocho everyone!!!  Hope you had a great time if you were here.  If not, consider joining us next year.

Birdie Snacks

It is starting to get warm in our part of the world again.  After suffering through two winters back to back, it was a great sight to see the cherry blossoms blooming and to wake up this morning to the birds singing in distant trees.   It is actually warm enough in the morning that the dog will venture out before 9 am, instead of looking at you like "Have you seen the frost on the grass?  These paws deserve more than that".  And it isn't just the warmth I welcome (although I didn't know that even when you heat a concrete house, it just never loses it's chill), I love the sounds and smells of Spring too.  From the sweet fragrance of the baby cherry blossoms to the sounds of the birds constant chatter, I fill up my senses with the wonder of new life sprouting everywhere.  I swear, if you listen closely enough, you can even hear the new leaves budding on the bare limbs of the trees.  And MadHatter and Stinkerbell are not immune, even at their young ages.  They are suddenly a bit less cranky and a lot less bored.  They are able to go outside without sweaters and coats weighing them down.  There is no need to carry a paraguas (umbrella), which is a necessity here in the winter.  It's been a long damp and chilly 3 months and we are really enjoying the advent of Spring.  MadHatter and I discussed a couple of ideas of how we would like to celebrate the new season.  We talked of painting pictures for the birds because who doesn't love a picture drawn especially for them.  We discussed going and getting McDonalds (readily seconded by her sister) but decided that was more of a treat for us, than a celebration of Spring.  She suggested that we could now play with our Play-Doh outside and make the birdies some snacks out of Doh...which we did...but we didn't let them eat any of it.  But in keeping with that line of thinking, I suggested we make birdfeeders to welcome the birdies back home after their long trips.  MadHatter thought that would be great because "they will be hungry after flying for so long.  I would be if I had to flap my wings all day".  And she proceeded to run around flapping her arms, showing me how quickly she would get tired.  About 90 seconds.  She would not be a good migratory bird.

Yesterday, we gathered all of our store bought ingredients, searched the ground for pine cones (not available, but there is something very similar), and set it all up on the back table, we proceeded to build "Birdie Snacks" (well, Stinkerbell snacks too).  They had so much fun, but I think I had more.  

I love days like this.

She tried so hard to string the Cheerios but just got frustrated instead.  So, she had a snack.