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| Every one has their own color. B's travel is Green. Amazingly he was home for a full week this month! |
In a normal month B will be gone 10-15 days, a busy month will take him away from home for most working days (for example, this month he will be gone 17 days). Out of the 22 working days this month (we had two national holiday's) he will only have been home for 5. That is darn near 80% of his work life that is spent on the road. And away from the family. I say work life because he is usually home on weekends. Usually. Even counting that he is home on weekends, out of a full 31 days this month he will have been sleeping in a hotel for over 50% of it.
At some time or another, as my friends start to realize just how much B really is off in other states, countries or just the far reaches of the country we are in, they inevitably ask me how I do it. And if I wasn't the one living this life, I would probably have the same question. It does take a certain type of family, a very understanding partner, and a lot of hard work on both of our parts. So, how did we end up here and how do we do it?
I don't know much different. When I met B he was home all the time since he was a grad student. But that was only for the first 2 years. He came home one day and said, "I have an interview with "X Co." next week". And I promptly replied, "No, you don't". To which he said, "Yes, I do" and I tried again. "No, you don't". Now he just thought I was either losing my marbles or going deaf. "I am pretty sure that I talked to their HR today and scheduled an interview in the Midwest next week". I agreed with him, "Yes, you got an interview lined up. But what you are not understanding is that you are not allowed to work there".
Now, don't go all crazy, readers. I truly did say this, but I don't think I really meant it. You see, my dad worked for that same company. In fact, at the time, he was still working for them. It was all I knew and growing up I swore I would never marry someone that worked for them. Not because it was a bad company - in fact they are pretty spectacular - but because I knew what the life was like. Especially in the field that B would be going into. I wasn't sure I wanted to live it all over again. This time as the adult, possibly raising children.
I knew it was inevitable. Like I said, this is a great company and the opportunity they were giving B was too good to pass up. (Even with all of my protesting, I knew it was the perfect place and fit for us). So we packed up and left North Carolina for his training and a short 2 years later we were on the road. First stop - California. Four years later we moved here to Chile. In 2 years who knows where we will be. But I can assure you, B will be travelling. It's part and parcel of the job, at least for now.
That's how we got here, but how do we do it? Especially with two very small children. I guess the easiest way to put it is this - I don't know any better. I have been "in the field" since before we had children. I don't think I would know what to do if he was home for more than a week at a time very often. In fact, we both get a bit itchy when he doesn't travel for two weeks in a row. I have a rhythm and a system all worked out when I am home alone with the kids. He throws a wrench in it when he is here for too long. Because he doesn't know that rhythm. And the system gets changed all too often when he is travelling and then he has to learn it all over again. It is hard to keep him up to date on all of the little changes that happen - and they happen all the time when your kids are so young.
And when he is home for too long of a stretch, the kids get used to having him home for dinner, for bath time, for stories. And then he leaves and it makes it that much harder on them. They get off of that aforementioned rhythm and it sets us all out of whack.
It's hard. I won't lie. B misses out on the day to day of his girls growing up. He is always here for special occasions (he does schedule those in) and has never missed a birthday, anniversary, or first day of school. He understands that his family must come first. Just as I have to understand that to live this amazing life that we have, means some sacrifice on my part too. Not always easy, but what is? I know that I am going to be the one left home to run everything. Without a break or a helping hand. I am solely responsible for the kids getting to school, cooking, cleaning, scheduling repairs and workers to come to the house. I do the bathing and the feeding and the night time routine. The same things that most mom's do but I have no one to talk with during the day (being out of the country makes it hard to call) and no one to recap the day with at night. I eat my dinner's alone, after my girls are in bed. I go to bed when I want and there is no one to watch t.v. with. There is no one here to fix the things that have broken, or read the kids a bed time story, or get up for the 4th time at night with a sick kid.
But in all of the hard, there is the good. I get all of the kisses, the hugs, and the drawings they color all week. I get the park dates and the play dates and the spontaneous dances in the kitchen. When B gets home, I get to feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas. Because when B is home, he is home. And we are together the entire time. We don't schedule girls nights or boys days out. We have fun, we reconnect, we are a family. And that makes it all worth it. Distance does make the heart grow fonder!
And we know it isn't forever. There is an end to this travelling at some point down the line. We wanted to do this while the kids were young. As they get older, they will need us both home and they will have us both. As for now, Papa is at the office (the kids term for being out of town) and the girls are ok with that. They look forward to when their Papa is home and get real quality time with him. This is their normal. For now.
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