Yackity yak...

This is what it sounds like in my house when I decide to take a shower.  Every, single, time...(and keep in mind, Stinkerbell is standing right outside the shower, sitting on the closed lid of the toilet, looking at me through the glass door)...

Mom, are you naked?  Naked, Mama?  Are you naked?  Are you going to shower?  Will you get wet, Mama?   Mama, are you wet yet?  Did you get in?  Are you in the shower Mama?  Mom, are you in the shower, naked?   Are you wet?  Are you really wet?  Mom, did you wash your hair?  Are you peeing Mama?  Why is there water like you are peeing?  Did you pee in the shower Mama?  That is bad.  You shouldn't pee in the shower, Mama (btw - it's just water - she always thinks you are peeing.  She thinks she is peeing when it happens to her too).  Mama, I go play iPad.  I'm playing iPad Mama.  Good Job, Stinkerbell.  Mama, it told me Good Job.  I finished my puzzle Mama.  Do you want to see my puzzle.  Cows go Moooooo.  My puzzle is a cow and cows go Mooooo.  That's funny Mama.  Isn't that funny.  Are you done yet?  Ok, I will play my puzzle.  Oink.  Oink.  Oink.  Are you done now?  Done with your shower, Mama? Are you finished?  When will you be done?  Now?  Are you done now?

And then, peacefully, there are about 20 seconds of silence while she thinks about whether she has to pee or if she is hungry, or if she just wants to play another game on the iPad...And then she is back.

Are you done yet Mama?  (Covering her eyes) Peek-a-Boo...I scare you?  No?  I do it again...Peek-a-Boo.  This time I scare you?  Ok, I will go play my game.  Why are you not smiling Mama?  Showers are a happy things.  Getting clean is fun.  You're not having fun?  Why Mama?  Why you not having fun?  You should be having fun.  I have fun in the shower.  I play with cups and drink lots of water.  You can play with my cup Mama.  It is the purple one.  No touch the pink one.  That is MadHatters.  She gets mad when we touch her cup.  No touch Mom.  Ok?  Is that soap Mama?  The bubbles, are they soap?  Did you wash your hair?  Is that why there are so many bubbles?  Mama, you washed your hair.  Is it clean?  Now, you done, right?  Your hair is washed, so now you are done.  Mama, can you hear me?  Can you hear me Mama?  You are not talking to me.  Why are you not talking to me.  Are you done?  Did you get water in your ear?  Can you hear me?  Mamaaaaaaa...

I have now taken the world's fastest shower...less than 3 minutes...because I cannot stand to answer one more question that is asked of me.  I am stepping out and it doesn't stop...

Mama, are you all done?  You all done Mama?  Are you wet?  Do you need a towel?  Will the towel make you dry?  Are you all done?  Are you ready to go Mama?  Let's go Mama.  I am ready to go....

Never - ever - wish for your child to talk.  You will forever be wishing that they had never learned.  I jest, but in the case of Stinkerbell it can be true.  She has a gift for speaking...in two languages none-the-less.  And she is not even 2 1/2.  I can only imagine what she will be like as a teenager.  But by then, I will be able to lock the bathroom door and take my shower in silent peace.