I get a lot of email. Now don't go getting the idea that I am popular or anything, because I don't mean I get a lot of personal email (unless you count J. Crew as a person). I get a lot of emails from companies I shop with, women's groups I attend and the magazines I subscribe to and I love it. I add myself to email lists so that I can get coupons, the deal of the day, words of wisdom or the latest on what is going on in my MOPS group. I especially love the ones from all the places I shop - kids clothing stores, home decorating stores, daily deals from Groupon, the newspaper, kidsteals etc... If you read my post on bargain hunting you know that I do a lot of research online and these emails keep me up to date on my favorite things - and usually introduce me to my new favorite things. But right now, getting these email updates is just depressing me. I haven't minded an inbox chock full each morning because up until today it has been a fun reminder of home and it's kept me connected to one of my favorite sports (yes, shopping is a sport) and some of my favorite people. But for some reason today it just wasn't fun to be reminded of all the things I don't have anymore and in such a multitude of ways.
It's not just the stores I miss going to (though I do miss wandering through the mall with the girls, letting them play at the play place and catching lunch out). The emails remind me of so many good times chatting with my girlfriends over lunch (the email from Paradise Bakery telling me if I buy a sandwich I can get a drink free) or when I had to find that perfect color pillow cover and I went to about 20 stores looking for it (and yes, this does qualify as a fun in my book) and Pottery Barn just happened to have it in their sale section today. I got the MOPS update and it reminded me about the 12 lovely ladies I call friend that are in the same stage of life I am and how they commiserated with me each week for a couple of hours over hot food that we actually got eat while it was still hot. I got an invitation to an annual picnic we try not to miss and yet this year, we will not be attending. So, it isn't about the shopping or the information in the emails per se but about the memories these emails bring back.
So what is a girl to do? Logic was telling me that when something starts to be more of a hindrance than a help, it is time to let it go. Though sometimes it is the last thing we want to do. I began by downloading all of my emails while the girls were sleeping and I started unsubscribing myself from my old life. I must have gone to 30 different websites and removed myself from their data banks. Each time they asked me if I was sure I wanted to be deleted permanently and I had to pause, because who really wants to be deleted permanently? And then I realized what my hesitation was. It wasn't that I was afraid of letting go but I was more afraid of being let go of. It somehow seemed that if I was erased from the memory banks of their computers, they would also erase all traces of me from the lives of those I had built my memories with. It is one thing to move on and embrace new adventures in life, it is another to become a footnote in the lives of those you hold dear. I just have to have faith that what I built will withstand the time and distance. So, I have officially unsubscribed myself from my old life in California, knowing I will build a new email database here in Chile.
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