This morning I did what I do each week day morning. I heard my kids wake up and talk with each other before heading down the stairs to see if I was awake. They ran into my room and jumped on my bed, whispering their good mornings to me, because they know that Mommy needs her time to wake up. Mommy is not a morning person. They turned on the TV. Hit channel 8 and proceeded to watch about 20 minutes of Doctora Jugetes before I roused myself enough to get up. But I did get up and I put my contacts in, turned the alarm off and fed the dog. All with 4 little feet pattering after me and talking non-stop about what had happened between last night and this morning. {How can that much happen between bed time and morning???} We talked a bit as I poured their cereal and cut the fruit, only listening with one ear. I sat down with them to eat as I do every morning. And then I got annoyed. It was one of those mornings. The ones where they both wanted to do anything except eat their breakfast. Can we turn on the radio Mom? I want a hug Mommy. I need to pee Mama. Mommy, MadHatter looked at me sideways and I don't like it. Can I have more water? I just need to go upstairs and... It was like pulling teeth to just get breakfast down their throats. And get their teeth brushed and their lunch bags packed. I admit, I was looking forward to dropping them off at school. I just wanted some peace and quiet (especially since they had a rare day off yesterday and we had been home all day together). I was looking forward to some me time. Some time alone that I wasn't the one that had to fill up every moment of their day with something to do, or say.
I dropped them off, the hugs and kisses very perfunctory and drove home breathing a sigh of relief. Four hours until I had to be on again! Four hours of freedom! I walked the dog, ran on the treadmill, checked my facebook. I was starting to feel a bit less stressed.
And then I checked the news feeds.
The first thing I saw was a flash about a shooting in Connecticut. There wasn't much information available as it had just happened. And all of a sudden I wanted to go pick up my girls. I wanted a re-do of my morning. Could I just have a re-do? What if I never got a chance to listen with both ears about what happened in their dreams last night? What if I never got to listen to the two of them fighting over who looked at who sideways again? What if??? All I wanted was both of them home, safe and sound. Even though I knew they were safe, I couldn't get it out of my head that they might not be. Every single parent that dropped their child off at school this morning in Sandy Hook thought the same thing. And some of them may have had morning's like mine. With thoughts like mine. And, God forbid, they were never going to be able to have a re-do. They were never going to be able to do another drop off at Kindergarten and this time ask for just one more kiss. Or hold their child just a little tighter in that hug they asked for when trying to stall at breakfast. They were never going to get the chance that I will get again tomorrow morning.
And I am devastated by that.
In the past couple of hours my email and facebook have been inundated with prayers and posts and so many thoughtful messages from the people I am connected to in this world. The outpouring of love has been incredible. All directed towards a community of people they have never met and yet, are still a part of. Because we are all a part of the human race. And most are a part of the parenthood community. Universally, they posted their support. Their grief, their sadness. There were prayers. So many prayers. And it was heartening to see.
But many of them make mention of gun control and our lack of treatment for mental illness. And how we have failed our children. How we need to start doing, well, something. And I agree.
But today this isn't about gun control. Or mental illness. Or how we have failed our children. This isn't about one child, that grew up into a man, that took the lives of others. This isn't about what bureaucracy has done or what laws we should have passed or how we could have prevented something like this from happening. Today, this is about those innocent children. About all of the victims. Nothing more.
Don't get me wrong - it is SO about those things too - no matter which side of the debate you end up falling on - but today it isn't. It can't be. Today it has to be about those that were lost, young and old. Lives that were cut short. It is about those families that are now having to face a future without an integral part. It is about the children that will never fulfill their dreams; parents that will never see those dreams fulfilled. It is about the adults that left behind families that will now have to cope without a parent. It is about the brothers, that will grow up without sisters and the husbands that will be left without their wives. There are mothers and fathers that no longer have living children and will have to learn how to move in a world that is all but foreign to them now. Today, this is about them. Their stories. And we have to give them at least this one day.
Someday, in the future, we can talk about the politics of it all. The gun control. The psychological help that is lacking for those that need it. But for today, let's all just remember, most of these victims were babies. They didn't have an opinion on any of these things. They didn't have a chance to ever form those opinions. They were gunned down in a senseless act of violence. So, just for now, let's not talk about the person who did this. Let's not talk about whether his parents failed him, or he was failed by the system, or if stricter gun laws, or no gun laws, would have prevented this. For today, lets just remember that this is all about those that no longer have a voice. Let's hear their stories. Relish in their lives, no matter how short they may have been.
Let's give them a voice.
A remembrance fitting of their time here on earth.
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